Dear internet, your lists of last-minute gifts are lame.
Actually, most of your lists for regular-minute gifts are lame.
What should I actually get my dad if he’s not a hipster? Also, internet, I think you overestimate how thoughtful people think candles are. Spoiler alert: not very.
Also, do not DIY a gift. C’mon. Unless you are a child. Are you a child? I cuss a lot on this blog, so if you are a fucking child, go find your parent and tell them to monitor your internet usage better.
If you're actually in need of a last-minute gift, I am your savior. Savioress? Go to Walgreens. Seriously. They’re open on Christmas Eve and often on Christmas Day too. Most of this could pass as something you bought earlier after giving a lot of thought to it. You can seriously buy these gifts on your way to giving them. You're welcome.
1. Upload pics at home. Wait an hour. Pick up. Get a nice frame, with a fancy mat. Grandma's crying.
2. Wine isn't carried at Walgreens in all states, but it is in the good states. Most of their wine is bad. Get Apothic Red or Cupcake Red Velvet. Do not go rogue.
3. Every girl is using old, gross brushes that came with her makeup. Buy some luxe looking brushes. Do not buy a set. No one knows what half those brushes are for.
4. CHI straight irons are the best. They're pricey too, so we won't buy for ourselves.
5. The FitBit is a little watch that sync with your phone and tracks your steps and calories burned and how much sleep you are getting. It's great for anyone trying to be healthier.
6. Essie nail polish (OPI is nice too) is sold at Walgreens and also fancy beauty places like Sephora. Pretend you went to Sephora.
7. Someone getting in iPad this year? Let an older person buy the iPad, you spring for a case.
8. This fancy device cleans grills. Dads hate cleaning grills. It's the number one reason they don't grill more. Treat your old man. Or maybe you could clean the grill for him. Hmm, nope. It's cold out.
9. Traveler in the family? This fancy neck pillow contorts in silly ways to make them comfy.
10. These ridiculous slippers can be put in the microwave for warmth. This is totally unnecessary.
11. Old fashioned popcorn maker. Pick up some DVDs too (and some corn kernels) and start a holiday tradition.
12. These sleek-ass headphones are sexy. White is where it is at.
13. Bluetooth speakers. They've got a bunch. Anyone with a smart phone can now fill the house with Mariah Carey's Christmas classic all afternoon.
14. Perfumes and colognes are easy to screw up. Do not buy a celebrity perfume. Do not buy a set. This is simple. Get a big fancy designer brand you've heard of. Gucci's good. Burberry's great too.
15. Yoga peeps are always getting their mats all stinky. This one's black and has a gold lotus. That probably means something soothing or whatever.
16. Fun fact: your local Walgreens has merchandise for your favorite local team. Your nephew/cousin/uncle likes sports. Right?
17. As seen on TV! This is from TV! It's an Orgreenics pan. I dunno what that means, but it's non-stick (and presumably organic?) for the foodie/hippie/as-seen-on-TV fan in your life.
18. This is a fun new lip balm. Stuff it in your stockings.
19. Walgreens has a bunch of sunglasses. Everyone's losing sunglasses. These are gold. The frat guy in your life probably needs these.
* This isn’t a sponsored post. I just live above a Walgreens and love it more than peanut butter.